Internal dilemma

Hey! Talk about being absent in the long run... Basically, these days its all about self-analysis, constant look outs for a the betterment of myself and yes, extending the helping hand to those who need and could do with being rescued. Sound familiar?

These days, unless one is seriously 'zonked-out', the sleeping hours can be tricky. As for me, its been nuts and right down crazy! I recently finished my degree program and progressed on with my then 'part -time' job. Not complaining here - i love my job. Its just that; more often than not, people would love to start the day with a fresh and alert mind - not a brain that's been on overdrive mode. Get what i mean? Everyday is a new 'story' a.k.a nightmare/ flashes of things from the past, current and hey, possibly the future as well. I can only put it down to being beyond my control.

Let me ask you a question, dear readers... Have you envisioned your own deaths? Sounds gory i know but, have you actually lived out the multiple experiences of seeing your death staged over and over again- without waking up the next day to a case similar to that of a heart-attack? 'A good exercise for the heart' some may say but, its hazardous too in the long run. What an elusive and weird world to inhabit. Sighs...

The great depression?

O jeez... You know what? I had actually planned to like put in a few bloggie entries over the past month or so but, see what happens? I get sucked up into the thick of crazy whirlwindy lifestyle, huge sugar rocks of assignments that currently seem difficult to disolve if you get the drift...

If it's not assignments, its exams or something akin to it since the term's coming to an end. What a 'pai seh' life to lead at the moment. Hangging out is like a foreign concept at the moment unless i really force myself or my friends sort of force me to get out of Uni or something. No that i'm complaining. Hey, i look forward to those moments sometimes!! But, at the back of the mind... the unwanted nagging thought of unfinished assignments and biz always surfaces - making me guilty of enjoying myself. Over the years, I guess i've made a few people pissed off with this 'guilty conscience' thing... Not that i can't control the guilty feeling when it makes its presence known - FULL FORCE! Right?

I shall blog up as soon as i've time on me hands. So, stick with me ok?

Je Penser...

Bonjour tout le monde.. Comment allez vous? Vous etes bien? Mal?

Guess what? This semester, my so called 'leisure-time' is gonna be cut down to like less than 30 minutes or so.. Why? Blame the workload! Never in my entire life, did i expect to write this many essays cum journals. The worst thing, it just keeps piling up AND its just one subject! Ain't there a limit or something? I shall bring forth the power of my faith and my will to go on without going berserk n raving mad..

In other news, Well.. I went through the syllabus for the French major program last week and you know what? It seems I've completed their first level/semester! YIPPEE!! For this semester a.k.a the second one, i think I've only got 1 class with them - THE HISTORY OF FRANCE or something like that. So, the main question here is, despite knowing the workload and the soon to be sacrificed sleeping hours, do i go on with my dream of graduating with double degrees-English and French? Let me know you opinion,oui?

Pondering Panda's

Life.. *Sighs..* Life is full of changes, life is full of challenges. That's why it known to have its ups and downs as i'm sure many of you have gone through.

These days, i feel weird. Like something's not right with me. Life goes by day in day out but, i can't help but feel it in me all the time. On the outer scale, everything appears to be fine but, on the inside? Its another story. Heck, it is like a shipwreck or you could say, an approaching mass of distruction!

I feel the gnawing 'pain' growing each day. What is it? Deep down, i feel empty. That's right.. Just plain, white emotionless human. Freaky ain't it? Speaking sometimes has suddenly become task-like. A task! Can you imagine that? Its like having the saying "speak only when spoken to" come true. This is an alien thing to me. Who can i trust? Who can i see for help? It's a brain muddlle to be muddled about.

Currently, i've my mounting assignments to keep me busy. But, once its done? This alien-ish feeling comes back to haunt in full force! Loneliness has been my recent neighbour. One whom i hangout with almost daily. Its my current bestie although i'm surrounded by people and my friends. Get what i mean?

I know, it probably sounds like i'm leading a very troublesome and boring life. Maybe i am but hey, there are the good times as well. So, this isn't a complaint or anything akin to it. I repeat, NOT A COMPLAINT!! Just a place to let my soul fly.