Internal dilemma

Hey! Talk about being absent in the long run... Basically, these days its all about self-analysis, constant look outs for a the betterment of myself and yes, extending the helping hand to those who need and could do with being rescued. Sound familiar?

These days, unless one is seriously 'zonked-out', the sleeping hours can be tricky. As for me, its been nuts and right down crazy! I recently finished my degree program and progressed on with my then 'part -time' job. Not complaining here - i love my job. Its just that; more often than not, people would love to start the day with a fresh and alert mind - not a brain that's been on overdrive mode. Get what i mean? Everyday is a new 'story' a.k.a nightmare/ flashes of things from the past, current and hey, possibly the future as well. I can only put it down to being beyond my control.

Let me ask you a question, dear readers... Have you envisioned your own deaths? Sounds gory i know but, have you actually lived out the multiple experiences of seeing your death staged over and over again- without waking up the next day to a case similar to that of a heart-attack? 'A good exercise for the heart' some may say but, its hazardous too in the long run. What an elusive and weird world to inhabit. Sighs...

Ramblings...

Going through some of the blog pages, it never fails to amaze and surprise some readers; of the very content as well as the extent of the contents displayed in the name of a blog 'post'. I for one ain't gonna complain coz i find some of my posts following along the same line. To complain would be like having the pot call the kettle black rite? I had so many ideas for this post of mine after being a 'faithful' absentee from my blog - turns out, this is what my fingers typed. So, not according to what i planned and so out of topic! :)

Just a dream...?



We started out as links

With time it became immense

We swore to keep it aflame

My magically sweet eighteen


Each gift-like day

Hearing you chortle

Seeing you daily

My very love


Of stolen embraces

Of secretive rendezvous

A peck here and there

A lovely, unique feeling


A year later

A different story

A twist in our story

O no! O my! O blimey!


Aggressor of my heart

You crushed my world

Ugly hag in your judgment

Bitterness in your mind


What went wrong?

Why turn traitor?

Answer me…dear?

Why? Why? Why?


Worlds apart after a period,

Our dreams and vows slashed

Our love sullied beyond repair

You remain individual dear


My primary love…

- Untitled -

O my.... Just look at how time creeps up from behind and surprises you with its quick turns until the days and moths are gone! As 2012 looms near, how many of you out there actually belief in the mythology? Why do you say so? This also happens to be the year where i have a long list of resolutions to be metted out before the midnight of the 31st of December! By long i mean.... itz quite long and though some of it looks simple enough to complete, the people involved in making it a fulfilled task make it a difficult one. O man....

Enough ramblings above, now... moving on to other pertinent stuff...

Dear readers out there,

Have you ever felt constricted? Outwardly, you are free to do anything but, on the inside, it's a different story in the all together... What did you do to escape the situation from reccuring?

I'm sure almost a majority of us belief that friends and contacts are much more important than family... How many of you belief in this motto? It is true and it has been proven year in year out that friends do play a vital role in one's life... especially in the adolecent stage of one's life. Hence, good, clear 'jewels' should be treasured and kept from the ammount of 'junk' available out there...

In my next post, i'll be giving you a few of my work... read it, get into the mood and do let me know what you think. Hope to hear from you guys soon...

mussings...

Gosh! Been aeons since i last returned here n POOF! I suddenly hv a lotta blogs 2 play 'catch-up' with... Zzz... Not with my actual living, breathing friends; but, their blogs! Yea..yea... i know, damn sad rite? *Sighs....* M currently in my 2nd yr with a yr more 2 go in order 2 complete my degree programme and this sem is simply whoa... simply crazy. Should i jump in joy at d prospect or should i screech? I wonder what next semester would have in store... *Grimace + anticipation mood...*

A bad week!

First, my planned trips got cancelled...meaning it is back to being alone for most of the time. Not a problem for me as i'm quite used to this condition. With the recent internet connection faced; my only alternate source of entertainment is gone! NO more online movies,music n cartoons... *Argh...!*With nothing to keep me from going bonkers; it's a difficult endeavour to take. A bad week indeed... Shall let you know how it goes next week. C ya!

What are friends?

In this modernized era, friendship between both genders and races do not receive the heat of the glaring eye anymore as compared to the olden days where a mere 'hello' between a male and female was considered too much. We have become so modernized these days that unthought-of events such as gay and lesbian marriages are now, not only a reality but common too!


But, to answer your question, friends are one's companion because no matter what your mood is for the day, these friends would be there to bolster your confidence by supporting you in whatever actions you take. In short, one can regard friends as trustworthy, honest and yes, maybe a little angelic (unless they decide to join forces with the devil).


To my knowledge, all friendships face problems every now and then.. It is the action taken as well as the outcome of it that determines the strength and direction of the said friendship. Having friends is like having a partner only, it isn't that close. The same issues are addressed: Trust, Honesty, Guidance, Loyalty, Love, Care and so forth.


To be a good friend can sometimes be a hell-ish path if the other party is not co-operative at all. It can also be sweet. Like in the movies we sometimes see, rich girl has no true friends or something like that. A life like that is certainly bound to be lonesome and one i would not wish upon myself!


The gap between a friend to a good friend before progressing deeper into being a best friend isn't that wide but, the path to it is full of challenges. Friends can be acquired anytime; good friends are always there for you. Now, to be a best friend, one needs to go the extra mile and prove themselves through time.

L.O.V.E

The magic word that can either make or break a person where no other forces can. Love doesn't just happen overnight. It takes time and effort to complete the 'getting-to-know-you' process before advancing to the next level. Friendship just makes it easier. It is after all, an inescapable part of humankind.
In this modernized era, a university student has the freedom to befriend anyone without the surveillance eyes of one’s parents as well as give much thought to the gender of the said friend - something the olden day folks would have frowned upon. These days, it is a common phenomenon to see some friendship blossom into love. The transition between both the relationships can be seen as a 'two coin' situation.

Students being in love can sometimes work miracles! This can be seen when their partner's are of the supportive type, confidence-booster, the pillar of strength and so forth. These types of couple would ensure mutual progress in their studies and later on, success in their life. The negative aspect of love can be seen when studies are disrupted, mood swings occur on a regular basis, daydreams take place during classes, loss of focus on studies and so forth. This; coupled with the uncertainty of one’s love and breakups, can lead to sleepless nights and yes, their academic downfall.

It is difficult to point out for sure if falling in love; while leading the life of a university student, would lead to a positive or negative outcome. In a way, it depends on the couple as well as their outlook on things. At the end of the day, it may or may not hinder a student’s academic activities. They must; however, not forget the main purpose of being in a university – to improve themselves academic wise.

So, which side are you on? What do you think?

Assorted poetries in a pack

Howdy there mates! How have things been going? Hope it's all for the good..

In this eddition, i'll give you a little highlight about my almost complete poem collection.. The themes touched are the usual problems dealt by the human race.. For example, the many aspects of love, sins, regrets, divorce, friendship, etc...

" Scalded rose - A collection of poems and thoughts - volume 1" would be the heading of my soon-to-be-finished poem collection.Once this project is complete, i'll like to try my hand and mind in creating a novella of different values. Any suggestions?

Do drop me a comment or suggestion anytime with your name intact.. Thank you.. :)

Pancake Mania

Howdy there, peeps! How are things going? Hope it's on the smooth sailing side...

As usual, come weekends, it's home cooked stuff for breakfast and if we can manage, lunch and dinner as well... This entry is inspired by the pancakes we made! Brought to you by your official reporter, me; sponsored by the ingrediants used namely ''blue key's'' pancake floor.

Rite... 'static cooking' or the usual stereotype's would turn into a bore after sometime due to the absence of INOVATION and CREATIVTY. So, that's what i did to those pancakes - EXPERIMENTS!!! Brace yourselves and let's take a look at the end results, shall we? He..he...

For starters, what do you think, this resembles? Doesn't it resemble a buble-talk? Don't believe me, here's proof!

Moving on...

       A 'cacat-ed' turtle

Mickey mouse's ears? 

Now..now... don't go getting wrong n yucky idea's in your head! This can either be a cucumber or erm.. an eel? A wormy?

Hmm... the sun with the asteroids around it? An amoeba in the midst of lord knows what?

 "Gimme some clothes man..." says the naked chicken. 

After much consideration and discussion, the chicken is found guilty!

Does this like a jellyfish or an octopus? It could also be an alien's baby.. Yikes!!

So, wadya think of this experiment? How would you rate it? Average... or excellent? Do you think it was a successful one? Do let me know your thoughts...

The great depression?

O jeez... You know what? I had actually planned to like put in a few bloggie entries over the past month or so but, see what happens? I get sucked up into the thick of crazy whirlwindy lifestyle, huge sugar rocks of assignments that currently seem difficult to disolve if you get the drift...

If it's not assignments, its exams or something akin to it since the term's coming to an end. What a 'pai seh' life to lead at the moment. Hangging out is like a foreign concept at the moment unless i really force myself or my friends sort of force me to get out of Uni or something. No that i'm complaining. Hey, i look forward to those moments sometimes!! But, at the back of the mind... the unwanted nagging thought of unfinished assignments and biz always surfaces - making me guilty of enjoying myself. Over the years, I guess i've made a few people pissed off with this 'guilty conscience' thing... Not that i can't control the guilty feeling when it makes its presence known - FULL FORCE! Right?

I shall blog up as soon as i've time on me hands. So, stick with me ok?

Je Penser...

Bonjour tout le monde.. Comment allez vous? Vous etes bien? Mal?

Guess what? This semester, my so called 'leisure-time' is gonna be cut down to like less than 30 minutes or so.. Why? Blame the workload! Never in my entire life, did i expect to write this many essays cum journals. The worst thing, it just keeps piling up AND its just one subject! Ain't there a limit or something? I shall bring forth the power of my faith and my will to go on without going berserk n raving mad..

In other news, Well.. I went through the syllabus for the French major program last week and you know what? It seems I've completed their first level/semester! YIPPEE!! For this semester a.k.a the second one, i think I've only got 1 class with them - THE HISTORY OF FRANCE or something like that. So, the main question here is, despite knowing the workload and the soon to be sacrificed sleeping hours, do i go on with my dream of graduating with double degrees-English and French? Let me know you opinion,oui?

Moody me..

Double dee.. double daa...double dum.. *Arggh..* Thinks... *Sighs..* Hey there! Don't even know what i'm saying here. CRAP!! Don't mind me.. I'm just 'letting off some steam'. 8 reports down; a hell lot more to go. Haha.. no la.. 6 more to go. Lets just hope my 'lovely' lecturer doesn't add anymore clauses as to how the reports should be like PLUS the 15 mini assignments that i've been neglecting. Pai seh la.. Really beh tahan sometimes but, what to do? Life goes on.. *The song '' the show must go on" from 'Moulan Rouge' plays in the background...* Adios!

Pondering Panda's

Life.. *Sighs..* Life is full of changes, life is full of challenges. That's why it known to have its ups and downs as i'm sure many of you have gone through.

These days, i feel weird. Like something's not right with me. Life goes by day in day out but, i can't help but feel it in me all the time. On the outer scale, everything appears to be fine but, on the inside? Its another story. Heck, it is like a shipwreck or you could say, an approaching mass of distruction!

I feel the gnawing 'pain' growing each day. What is it? Deep down, i feel empty. That's right.. Just plain, white emotionless human. Freaky ain't it? Speaking sometimes has suddenly become task-like. A task! Can you imagine that? Its like having the saying "speak only when spoken to" come true. This is an alien thing to me. Who can i trust? Who can i see for help? It's a brain muddlle to be muddled about.

Currently, i've my mounting assignments to keep me busy. But, once its done? This alien-ish feeling comes back to haunt in full force! Loneliness has been my recent neighbour. One whom i hangout with almost daily. Its my current bestie although i'm surrounded by people and my friends. Get what i mean?

I know, it probably sounds like i'm leading a very troublesome and boring life. Maybe i am but hey, there are the good times as well. So, this isn't a complaint or anything akin to it. I repeat, NOT A COMPLAINT!! Just a place to let my soul fly.

wool greetings

Hey there.. been ages since i last wrote here hasn't it? First of all, i would like to take this oppurtunity to wish all my dear friends, family and my readers a very happy new year. May tomorrow a.k.a. the year ahead be more prosperous; bringging along the tide of fresh hopes and dreams as well as a burst of amazing ideas. Here's to a New Year ahead.. Happy 2010!!






Right! That done, lets go back in time to the past week. Hey, its only a 7day reverse.. Heck! Its not even 7days since i last started my new term. Let me see.. Ahh.. 4days to be precise. Now, lets halt the track of crap i'm currently in and move on.. Jeez, can't believe i'm talking about some crappy stuff. My brains must be still addled with all the left over stressie's. Don't know what i'm talking about? Well, don't fret as i'm going to go there soon...

Started my new term last Monday. I've got classes four days a week this semester compared to the previous one and the best thing is, NO KOKO!! Meaning. i can head home on Thursday's after class! Yippee! Lol.. The bad side of begining a new term is, adrenaline is going to rush at you from perchance all directions! Exams... Assignments... *Sighs..*

During the first week of a new term, one would expect the classes to be lax where subjects aren't taught. Imagine my shock and dismay when i stumbled upon the opposite incident this time! I don't mind if they start the teaching process straight away actually. What got me was, in one of my classes, we were assigned numerous projects cum assignments with datelines not far away.. Come on, don't tell me you didn't see that one coming? I mean, WHO on earth would like to be bombardeed out of the blue with an array of assignments as soon as the new term begins? That to me is kind of ridiculous and a hell lot stressful! What do you say? Do you agree with me?

See you in the next eddition...

First Day + Life in Uni (03)

Oh no! This is certainly starting to form a dejavu. 3 blogs.. again? Jeez... stop fingers...stop typing! *Scolds hand and fingers* Ok, i know some of you might even have formed the impression of me being a total loon. Let me assure you.. I'm NOT!!! Now, where did i stop previously? Come on.. Yea.. got it.


My roommates and I sort of formed an unbreakable bond among ourselves. I mean hey, we live in the same room almost 24/7 so, how not to feel like a family? Besides, we help each other out and become the nurses and doctors when anyone of us is down with flu and etc... (Inc. my gang!) I managed to get a taste of this ‘remedy’ when I was down with food poisoning during my finals. Hey, I didn’t have it on purpose! Yes, imagine the headaches I had, the loss of food and energy, the almost fainting spells... Ok stop!! Let’s skip the details of that one! Though all of us had exams that week, they took their time off tending to their sick ‘patient’ and that gave me the courage and the energy to go on though I barely slept that week. Ask anyone in my gang and they’ll tell you. Big thanks to them! Without them, I don’t think I would’ve had the courage to sit for my papers.


There is a whole lot more to write actually but, the only thing I fear is either I wouldn’t stop soon or I wouldn’t know how long the entry is going to be. Now, this might freak the hell out of some of you I’m sure. That’s why I decided to stay on the short summary of it. Let me know what you want to know and I shall try my best to answer your Questions musically or not. Till then... :p

First Day + Life in Uni (02)

By the time we finished cleaning up the dusty room – my room had been a store room for a few years before this so, I’m sure you can imagine the amount of webs and dust accumulated; it was late in the evening. I had dinner with my parents after my much needed bath and spent the night organizing my things and unpacking. My roommates hadn’t arrived that day. So, it was just me, my things and my phone. My front door neighbors are Malay seniors and my left side neighbors are also newbie’s like me but, Malays. Both of them offered to stay and spend the night with me when they found out I was alone. I was touched. I mean, how many people do you find going all out to help someone they just knew and not of their kin. I know most of them wouldn’t – not right up to the offer to put up the night with a newbie or even calling them over to your room just because that newbie was alone, right!?

I declined their offer. Not because for fun but, I didn’t want to burden them – my new floor mates. The next day, the newbie’s <> went to do our checkup at the health centre@ Pusat Kesihatan Universiti (PKU). All in all, we managed to complete our health checkup and register our subjects in the nick of time!

When I got back to my room for lunch, my roomies started arriving one by one. The first to arrive was my Indian roommate - Packia who came all the way from Pahang. In the evening, my two other roommates – Grace and Wei Woon arrived. Guess what? One of them hails from the place I used to be whereas the other hails from my current place. Freaky or coincidental? Hmm...

Long story short, I made a lot of new friends, found out a lot of interesting bits of information on them as well I even found some who had a bit of my traits in them! Don’t believe me huh? You know, I found a guy who sings all the time, like me and we actually managed to conduct a Question and Answer session...musically. Unless you were there that day, I bet you haven’t heard me do that before, right? Was it just me, my luck or my ‘oozing charming’ side that brought out the DEVIL in them? I’ll like to think it as my ‘bubbly ever-loving personality’ that did the trick! Muahaha... So, don’t go and spoil my day now, got that?

First Day + A lil' on my life in University (01)

Howdy guys! How are things going? Got to say, this month’s entries are going to be the most... I think; since I still haven’t got my laptop and I was recently aided and introduced to the world of blogging by my ever helpful University pal, Sarah whom I’ve ‘recruited’ into my team or you could say, gang.. Moving on, let’s go back in time and relive the experience of a freshies first day. *Thinks...* Ok. Here we go so gear up and brace yourself for this journey... Are you ready?

14th of July 2009 – A day to be reckoned with, a date that marks the start of a continued journey and the end of a long, agonized wait. Also, a day of pure hmm... what’s that word again...annoyance? Lost? O well...

I got my documents set aside and on that day, came to University Putra Malaysia (UPM) for a second time. I had previously come here for a seminar a few years back but, there wasn’t much time to explore the grounds unlike now. Registration was like whoa... a totally unexpected method. They made you run here and there, doing most of the donkey jobs. Or maybe not. But, I certainly remember going here and there within campus grounds getting things organized. By afternoon around 1pm; both my parents and I were ready to bunk down and have a lil’ nap before we continued. The hot weather hadn’t helped at all... I was desperately in need of a bath! Yup... it was that HOT! Anyway, we decided against temptation, had lunch and tackled the next task at hand – my lodgings.

Over here, the hostels are each given names and they are termed as ‘colleges’. So, try not to get confused ya? We have around 17 colleges scattered here and there around the campus grounds. Since I’m doing a degree in languages; I was placed in K14 which is the 14th college and one of the colleges that has a lot of language students. As soon as I got my room key – I’m staying on the 5th floor by the way meaning I’ve to climb approximately 72 – 80steps to reach my room which is on the highest level. You could say, the lot of us staying up there practically has to do a ‘mini Batu Caves’ climb every time we needed to go down for classes or for food. In a day, I go up and down practically hmm... 5-6times? Multiply it with the 72-80 steps and hey presto! You feel your energy deserting you at the end of the day although you do have the substantial nutrition’s.




TO BE CONTINUED...

Double Identity - Part 3...

Whew... a part 3? I might as well make this into a storybook or something. Haha..

As I said earlier, I continued on with my F6 life until STPM just flew away.. During that length of holidays, I got yet another surprise, also from my mom on my b’day! Things just seem to happen on my b’day rite..? *Laughs.* This time I got enrolled on the 10th of Feb- My exact b’day at Taylors College for the same course – French studies! She must have noticed how sad I was when my studies at Lincoln came to an early end. Luckily, there were no ‘sesat’ cases this time. I was quizzed on my French knowledge a few hours prior to my first class! Can you imagine how my mind was working to retrace the lessons...? Worst than a moving tyre! At first I was a bit hesitant for I didn’t know if what I was saying was true. – I replied the Q’s thrown my way in French ok? Maklumlah, My whole F6 life was the wall between my then and now French lessons. Get what I mean?

My classes at Taylors were held in the night until 9pm. So, I had the rest of the day to not only catch up on my sleep, but also to catch up on my revision as well as necessary University applications. My mum became my travelling companion this time. Since classes ended late, she would come up to Taylor’s directly after work and together, we would catch the bus and hence, walk home.

I sat for my DELF A1 and A2 during this time meaning somewhere in March and June before I got accepted into my current Uni – UPM in July. Quite an assortment of events right? So, this is where I currently stand. Guess what? First years have to take a foreign language paper as their elective. I’m sure you know what language I chose in the end... Its not that hard to guess after all... FRENCH!!! On my first French class in Uni, my lecturer actually told me to change my language after questioning my sanity. Why? She said: “You already learned the whole syllabus so, why do you want to take my paper?” I could have switched to Spanish, Thailand or mandarin but I don’t know why I didn’t. Maybe the allure of the French language still hadn’t dimmed for me.

See? Life is indeed a journey of learning’s... What better way to spend ones holidays than by doing something they love? In my case, catching up and reuniting with my French instincts! That’s all folks! See you in the next edition! A bientot!

Double Identity - Part 2...

Here it is... the much anticipated continuation to my previous musings... or maybe not? Hmm... Now, where did I stop? Aha.. First day of college..

As time passed, I got to know my classmates cum college pals.. Vicky, the head of their batch, Choo, the crazy kid, Temily, who always calls me ‘Ashwini’. Don’t ask me why. Sangeetha – Not, d admin. Faye, Rozanne, Logein, who became my travel partner since we both live in Klang. Dylan and Lim who did an interesting experiment in class before lessons got started. I shall tell you all about it later. Anusha as well as a whole lot more. I also got my first taste albeit a small one... of college life and what it means to be a college student. My classmates/pals made me feel like I was 1 of them that I sometimes find it easy to say; I am indeed a Lincoln college student as the rest of them.

Now, as promised.. My sis and I arrived early for class one day. <> None of the other students were there except for Dylan, Lim, Anusha, me and my sis of course! Correct me if I’m wrong but, I think it was just the five of us at that time. Dyllie came up with his ‘asam jawa juice’ experiment. You know dried ‘Asam’ are usually sold here and there.. Well, Lim had it and voila! he came up with the crazy idea! He brought out his water bottle and started adding this dried ‘Asam’ into it until the water turned murky. He then offered it to all of us who were in class.. Of course we rejected it as hey, even the experimenter hadn’t had a taste of his own ‘magic trick’! He proclaimed it as a success but, the whole lot of us were laughing our heads out that when the lecturer asked us what was wrong, we were still reeling from the ‘after effects’.

When my F6 acceptance letter came out, I joined in and thus became a F6 student at MGS Klang. The so call nemesis of my previous school – Convent Klang. Hey, I repeat... I am NOT a traitor! Get it? I continued my college life though I was already in my first F6 yr. It was an extremely hectic schedule especially on Mondays since Mondays are the days for school assembly, librarian meetings and last but not least, my French class in KL with only an hour away! I’m sure you could imagine the rush of adrenaline I felt, running here and there like a madwoman all because I didn’t want to miss my French classes. Come Tues, I normally feel a bit ‘dead’ on the inside.

Sadly, my college life at Lincoln came to an end somewhere in August or was it September? I terribly missed my French classes and of course, the lecturer and my new found friends who had became a part of my ‘gang’. I continued on with my F6 studies, keeping tabs on my college friends from time to time as well as my other friends and ‘gangs’. Ha-ha... I seem to have a lot of gangs. But, that does not imply that I am a gangster ya. No interest in that sector!!


TO BE CONTINUED...?